Brownbeard had such a dream! He felt his tummy grow big. Very
big. But his waist remained slim. Very slim. His chest became big.
Very big. He had a really big chest, then a really slim waist, and
then a real big tummy. But No! Wait. That cannot be right. Should
not the order of things be chest, tummy, and then waist? How could
his waist be between his chest and his tummy?
And Brownbeard had a really short, slender neck, on top of which
sat his abnormally large head. His head was kind of flat. He had
two huge, serrated teeth protruding from his mouth like two
crescent rolls, which curved gracefully inward so that their tips
almost touched.
“Gee! This is funny,” thought Brownbeard. “I should go see the
dentist.”
Brownbeard noticed an extra pair of legs coming out from around
his waist. Or maybe they were arms. He could not tell for sure. He
was walking behind another person whom he could not see so well.
Brownbeard was too busy smelling something on the ground to look
up. It was a strong, strange, delicious odor that poured out from the
earth. He liked it a lot. As he smelled the smell more and more, it
made him hungrier and hungrier.
There were many people behind and in front of Brownbeard. He
could feel the presence of hundreds and hundreds of people before
and after him. They all walked single file following the wonderful
smell that grew heavier as they marched. Brownbeard was curious
about the people he was with, but at the same time engrossed by
the warm, sweet scent, the source of which he hoped to soon locate.
His mind was pulled in a tug-of-war between his growing curiosity
over his companions and his reeling olfactory system.
Then the rocking of his immense, peculiar body and the weird
feeling of walking on six arm-legs began to compete for
Brownbeard’s attention. Smell—companions—arms—legs—
smell—companions—arms—legs—smell—companions—
Brownbeard’s head was dizzy.
“What is two times two?” he heard a voice ask. But Brownbeard
did not know what the question meant, let alone recognize the voice
of his second grade teacher. Still, Brownbeard lifted his large,
heavy head trying to discover the source of the strange sound.
Upon looking up, to his horror he saw the behind of a large black
ant in front of him!
Brownbeard’s heart nearly thumped out of his chest as he sprung
up and out of his strange dream. Brownbeard blinked. He was
sitting on a bed, in a room. Peering at the blankets crumpled over
his feet and the chest-of-drawers next to the bed, he slowly
recognized the room as his.
“Oh my,” thought Brownbeard. “I dreamed I was an ant! How
peculiar.”
The sun was now up. Light streamed through the window and filled
his bedroom. The smell of herring and eggs drifted into
Brownbeard’s nostrils.
“Mmmm—breakfast,” smiled Brownbeard.
Washed and dressed, by the time he was going down the stairs,
Brownbeard had already forgotten about his time spent as an ant.
Later that day a letter came addressed to Brownbeard from a small
accounting firm in Charleston he had interviewed with on the
campus of New Ferry University. He had like the company very
much and thought his interview had gone quite well, but he never
heard anything afterwards. The letter read:
Dear Mr. Brownbeard,
We at Snookie, Pitts and Fropenheimer would like
to extend an offer for an accounting apprenticeship in our
Charleston office. A salary of ten pounds per week plus
lodging will be provided for the entire year of your training,
contingent upon satisfactory monthly performance reviews.
After successful completion of the year, full employment
with the firm may be offered at any of our regional offices
including New Ferry.
Please respond by the Twenty-First of September
to secure this offer. You will need to report to head-
quarters in Charleston no latter than the First of October
should you decide to join us.
Sincerely,
Frederick W. Snookie
“That’s less than two weeks to respond!” thought Brownbeard.
Charleston was relatively close to New Ferry. Brownbeard did not
want to be too far from friends and family. This was the first
company mentioning the possibility of coming back to New Ferry.
Brownbeard made his decision. On a beautiful day which was a
perfect blend of Summer and Fall, Brownbeard arrived in
Charleston to begin his new career.
big. But his waist remained slim. Very slim. His chest became big.
Very big. He had a really big chest, then a really slim waist, and
then a real big tummy. But No! Wait. That cannot be right. Should
not the order of things be chest, tummy, and then waist? How could
his waist be between his chest and his tummy?
And Brownbeard had a really short, slender neck, on top of which
sat his abnormally large head. His head was kind of flat. He had
two huge, serrated teeth protruding from his mouth like two
crescent rolls, which curved gracefully inward so that their tips
almost touched.
“Gee! This is funny,” thought Brownbeard. “I should go see the
dentist.”
Brownbeard noticed an extra pair of legs coming out from around
his waist. Or maybe they were arms. He could not tell for sure. He
was walking behind another person whom he could not see so well.
Brownbeard was too busy smelling something on the ground to look
up. It was a strong, strange, delicious odor that poured out from the
earth. He liked it a lot. As he smelled the smell more and more, it
made him hungrier and hungrier.
There were many people behind and in front of Brownbeard. He
could feel the presence of hundreds and hundreds of people before
and after him. They all walked single file following the wonderful
smell that grew heavier as they marched. Brownbeard was curious
about the people he was with, but at the same time engrossed by
the warm, sweet scent, the source of which he hoped to soon locate.
His mind was pulled in a tug-of-war between his growing curiosity
over his companions and his reeling olfactory system.
Then the rocking of his immense, peculiar body and the weird
feeling of walking on six arm-legs began to compete for
Brownbeard’s attention. Smell—companions—arms—legs—
smell—companions—arms—legs—smell—companions—
Brownbeard’s head was dizzy.
“What is two times two?” he heard a voice ask. But Brownbeard
did not know what the question meant, let alone recognize the voice
of his second grade teacher. Still, Brownbeard lifted his large,
heavy head trying to discover the source of the strange sound.
Upon looking up, to his horror he saw the behind of a large black
ant in front of him!
Brownbeard’s heart nearly thumped out of his chest as he sprung
up and out of his strange dream. Brownbeard blinked. He was
sitting on a bed, in a room. Peering at the blankets crumpled over
his feet and the chest-of-drawers next to the bed, he slowly
recognized the room as his.
“Oh my,” thought Brownbeard. “I dreamed I was an ant! How
peculiar.”
The sun was now up. Light streamed through the window and filled
his bedroom. The smell of herring and eggs drifted into
Brownbeard’s nostrils.
“Mmmm—breakfast,” smiled Brownbeard.
Washed and dressed, by the time he was going down the stairs,
Brownbeard had already forgotten about his time spent as an ant.
Later that day a letter came addressed to Brownbeard from a small
accounting firm in Charleston he had interviewed with on the
campus of New Ferry University. He had like the company very
much and thought his interview had gone quite well, but he never
heard anything afterwards. The letter read:
Dear Mr. Brownbeard,
We at Snookie, Pitts and Fropenheimer would like
to extend an offer for an accounting apprenticeship in our
Charleston office. A salary of ten pounds per week plus
lodging will be provided for the entire year of your training,
contingent upon satisfactory monthly performance reviews.
After successful completion of the year, full employment
with the firm may be offered at any of our regional offices
including New Ferry.
Please respond by the Twenty-First of September
to secure this offer. You will need to report to head-
quarters in Charleston no latter than the First of October
should you decide to join us.
Sincerely,
Frederick W. Snookie
“That’s less than two weeks to respond!” thought Brownbeard.
Charleston was relatively close to New Ferry. Brownbeard did not
want to be too far from friends and family. This was the first
company mentioning the possibility of coming back to New Ferry.
Brownbeard made his decision. On a beautiful day which was a
perfect blend of Summer and Fall, Brownbeard arrived in
Charleston to begin his new career.
The Adventures of Short Stubbly Brownbeard
Alan J. Levine
* * *
Chapter Five - Accountant Dreams
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