“Hello!” Brownbeard shouted.
He stood upon the deck of the boat and
examined the rigging and sails and wood and
metal. The boat looked good upon first
inspection. There was no way he would be able
to afford it. A boat like this would surely cost
several thousand pounds. If he cleared his
savings account and sold all of his stocks and
bonds, Brownbeard might be able to scrape up
a thousand pounds.
“Hello!” Brownbeard shouted again as he
walked the ship.
“Halloo!” a distant voice answered.
Brownbeard looked around and saw no one.
“Up here!” said the voice.
Brownbeard looked up and could see the
silhouette of a man in the crow’s nest.
“Hi!” said Brownbeard. “I like your ship!”
“Yep, it’s a beauty,” answered the man.
“I’m interested in buying it!” shouted
Brownbeard.
“Sorry, it’s not for sale,” answered the man.
Brownbeard’s heart sank. “Dang it!” he
thought, “I’m too late. The boat has been sold.”
“Your ‘For Sale’ sign is still up!” shouted
Brownbeard to the man.
The man in the crow’s nest popped out and
grabbing a rope, shimmied down to meet
Brownbeard face-to-face in the blink of an eye.
“Nope, that’s not a ‘For Sale’ sign,” said
the man. “That’s the name of my boat.”
“The name of this here ship is ‘For Sale’?”
asked Brownbeard.
“For Sale is the name of my ship.”
“Oh,” said Brownbeard, “You must get a
lot of confused people asking to buy your ship.”
“Actually, no. Your the first person to ever
ask,” said the man.
“I must still be caught in this crazy dream,”
thought Brownbeard. He pinched himself very
hard. Everything remained just as before. “Ah,
well,” he sighed, “Thanks anyway.”
Brownbeard turned to leave.
“What does a young accountant like you
need with a ship anyway?” inquired the man.
“Accountant!” thought Brownbeard. “How
does this guy know I’m an accountant? Is it
that obvious?”
“If you want some time on the sea, why don’
t you go on one of those tour things. You know,
them package deals where you can see all the
world’s ports plus you get first-class
accommodations, great vittles, and
entertainment? The missus is always bothering
me to go on one.”
“And you haven’t taken me yet!” a woman’
s voice shouted from down below the deck, in
the ship’s galley.
“Next year dear, I promise,” the man
shouted in answer to the woman. He winked at
Brownbeard. “Anyway,” the man continued,
“surely that would be a more pleasurable way
to see the world.”
“No,” Brownbeard said, “I want to be a
pirate.”
“A pirate!” exclaimed the woman’s voice
from below deck. “Lordy, no! Like the world
needs another pirate!”
“Now, Louise,” answered the man, “You
know not all pirates are bad. Remember
Blackbeard was truly kind and helpful to us
when we were in need.”
“Maybe true, Lloyd,” answered Louise,
“but that doesn’t make up for the rest of them.
And besides, a man as talented and handsome
as Blackbeard should be a doctor, or play one
in the theater.”
“You can’t fault a man for the job he’s got
that puts vittles on the table Louise.”
“Lloyd, it’s not like he’s got a wife and
kids!”
“That’s not what I heard,” said Lloyd,
“I’ve heard it said Mister Blackbeard has
several wives and even more children all over
the place!” Lloyd winked at Brownbeard and
gave him a nudge in the ribs.
Brownbeard gasped. “B.B.’s a polygamist!
I don’t believe it!”
“You know Blackbeard?” asked Lloyd.
“He’s my cousin,” answered Brownbeard.
“Cousin?” asked Lloyd and Louise.
“Yes, Blackbeard the Pirate is my cousin,”
said Brownbeard.
“No!” exclaimed Lloyd.
Louise raced up the steps from the galley
and onto the deck. Lloyd and Louise looked
hard at Brownbeard. They looked him up and
down. Brownbeard felt like an amoeba under a
microscope. This close inspection was a bit
unnerving.
“I think he’s telling the truth,” Lloyd finally
declared.
“I’ll be a monkey’s aunt!” exclaimed
Louise. “There is an uncanny resemblance!”
“Blackbeard is my cousin,” Brownbeard
assured Lloyd and Louise. “But tell me, how
did you all run into cuz and how did he help
you?”
“Oh, that’s a pretty long story! But if
you’ve the time, stay for din-din and I’ll tell
you,” said Lloyd.
“Yes, absolutely,” agreed Louise, “You
must stay for dinner.”
“I’d love to,” said Brownbeard.
“Dinner’ll be ready by-the-by. Why don’t
you show this young man—Brownbeard is the
name, right? Why don’t you show Brownbeard
around the For Sale,” Louise said to Lloyd.
“I think I’ll do just that,” said Lloyd.
“You know my name?” Brownbeard asked
in surprise. He did not think Blackbeard would
have mentioned him to other people.
“Of course!” said Louise.
“Blackbeard is quite fond of you,” said
Lloyd. “He was very proud of your going to
college and doing so well.”
“Wow! So that’s how you knew I was an
accountant,” stated Brownbeard.
“No, that wasn’t it,” said Lloyd. “You just
look like an accountant. Except for that
missing eyebrow.”
“Oh,” said Brownbeard.
“How’d you lose your eyebrow?” asked
Louise.
“Uhhhh—” Brownbeard hesitated. “Should
I tell them?” he asked himself. “I
don’t know,” he finally said.
This was not a lie because although the
memory of his strange battle was now crystal
clear in Brownbeard’s brain, he was not at all
convinced of its reality. Besides, he did not
want these nice people to find out he was going
insane. Lloyd and Louise stared at their guest.
“Dang!” thought Brownbeard. “They
don’t believe me.”
Louise snorted, shook her head, turned and
disappeared down into the galley.
“Well, Mister Brownbeard,” said Lloyd,
“Let me show you around.”
He stood upon the deck of the boat and
examined the rigging and sails and wood and
metal. The boat looked good upon first
inspection. There was no way he would be able
to afford it. A boat like this would surely cost
several thousand pounds. If he cleared his
savings account and sold all of his stocks and
bonds, Brownbeard might be able to scrape up
a thousand pounds.
“Hello!” Brownbeard shouted again as he
walked the ship.
“Halloo!” a distant voice answered.
Brownbeard looked around and saw no one.
“Up here!” said the voice.
Brownbeard looked up and could see the
silhouette of a man in the crow’s nest.
“Hi!” said Brownbeard. “I like your ship!”
“Yep, it’s a beauty,” answered the man.
“I’m interested in buying it!” shouted
Brownbeard.
“Sorry, it’s not for sale,” answered the man.
Brownbeard’s heart sank. “Dang it!” he
thought, “I’m too late. The boat has been sold.”
“Your ‘For Sale’ sign is still up!” shouted
Brownbeard to the man.
The man in the crow’s nest popped out and
grabbing a rope, shimmied down to meet
Brownbeard face-to-face in the blink of an eye.
“Nope, that’s not a ‘For Sale’ sign,” said
the man. “That’s the name of my boat.”
“The name of this here ship is ‘For Sale’?”
asked Brownbeard.
“For Sale is the name of my ship.”
“Oh,” said Brownbeard, “You must get a
lot of confused people asking to buy your ship.”
“Actually, no. Your the first person to ever
ask,” said the man.
“I must still be caught in this crazy dream,”
thought Brownbeard. He pinched himself very
hard. Everything remained just as before. “Ah,
well,” he sighed, “Thanks anyway.”
Brownbeard turned to leave.
“What does a young accountant like you
need with a ship anyway?” inquired the man.
“Accountant!” thought Brownbeard. “How
does this guy know I’m an accountant? Is it
that obvious?”
“If you want some time on the sea, why don’
t you go on one of those tour things. You know,
them package deals where you can see all the
world’s ports plus you get first-class
accommodations, great vittles, and
entertainment? The missus is always bothering
me to go on one.”
“And you haven’t taken me yet!” a woman’
s voice shouted from down below the deck, in
the ship’s galley.
“Next year dear, I promise,” the man
shouted in answer to the woman. He winked at
Brownbeard. “Anyway,” the man continued,
“surely that would be a more pleasurable way
to see the world.”
“No,” Brownbeard said, “I want to be a
pirate.”
“A pirate!” exclaimed the woman’s voice
from below deck. “Lordy, no! Like the world
needs another pirate!”
“Now, Louise,” answered the man, “You
know not all pirates are bad. Remember
Blackbeard was truly kind and helpful to us
when we were in need.”
“Maybe true, Lloyd,” answered Louise,
“but that doesn’t make up for the rest of them.
And besides, a man as talented and handsome
as Blackbeard should be a doctor, or play one
in the theater.”
“You can’t fault a man for the job he’s got
that puts vittles on the table Louise.”
“Lloyd, it’s not like he’s got a wife and
kids!”
“That’s not what I heard,” said Lloyd,
“I’ve heard it said Mister Blackbeard has
several wives and even more children all over
the place!” Lloyd winked at Brownbeard and
gave him a nudge in the ribs.
Brownbeard gasped. “B.B.’s a polygamist!
I don’t believe it!”
“You know Blackbeard?” asked Lloyd.
“He’s my cousin,” answered Brownbeard.
“Cousin?” asked Lloyd and Louise.
“Yes, Blackbeard the Pirate is my cousin,”
said Brownbeard.
“No!” exclaimed Lloyd.
Louise raced up the steps from the galley
and onto the deck. Lloyd and Louise looked
hard at Brownbeard. They looked him up and
down. Brownbeard felt like an amoeba under a
microscope. This close inspection was a bit
unnerving.
“I think he’s telling the truth,” Lloyd finally
declared.
“I’ll be a monkey’s aunt!” exclaimed
Louise. “There is an uncanny resemblance!”
“Blackbeard is my cousin,” Brownbeard
assured Lloyd and Louise. “But tell me, how
did you all run into cuz and how did he help
you?”
“Oh, that’s a pretty long story! But if
you’ve the time, stay for din-din and I’ll tell
you,” said Lloyd.
“Yes, absolutely,” agreed Louise, “You
must stay for dinner.”
“I’d love to,” said Brownbeard.
“Dinner’ll be ready by-the-by. Why don’t
you show this young man—Brownbeard is the
name, right? Why don’t you show Brownbeard
around the For Sale,” Louise said to Lloyd.
“I think I’ll do just that,” said Lloyd.
“You know my name?” Brownbeard asked
in surprise. He did not think Blackbeard would
have mentioned him to other people.
“Of course!” said Louise.
“Blackbeard is quite fond of you,” said
Lloyd. “He was very proud of your going to
college and doing so well.”
“Wow! So that’s how you knew I was an
accountant,” stated Brownbeard.
“No, that wasn’t it,” said Lloyd. “You just
look like an accountant. Except for that
missing eyebrow.”
“Oh,” said Brownbeard.
“How’d you lose your eyebrow?” asked
Louise.
“Uhhhh—” Brownbeard hesitated. “Should
I tell them?” he asked himself. “I
don’t know,” he finally said.
This was not a lie because although the
memory of his strange battle was now crystal
clear in Brownbeard’s brain, he was not at all
convinced of its reality. Besides, he did not
want these nice people to find out he was going
insane. Lloyd and Louise stared at their guest.
“Dang!” thought Brownbeard. “They
don’t believe me.”
Louise snorted, shook her head, turned and
disappeared down into the galley.
“Well, Mister Brownbeard,” said Lloyd,
“Let me show you around.”
The Adventures of Short Stubbly Brownbeard
Alan J. Levine
* * *
Chapter Nine - A Ship Not For Sale
Buy yer hard copy
at . . .
at . . .
Want to support
children's literature?
That's great! But
instead, why don't you
go to the followin'
links to buy yer own
miserable copy of
Brownbeard and
support Pirates
Anonymous? We've
been assisting pirates
with mental health and
hygiene issues since
1633. Brownbeard is
also available to
schools and libraries
through wholesalers
like Follett, Ingram,
and Baker & Taylor.
children's literature?
That's great! But
instead, why don't you
go to the followin'
links to buy yer own
miserable copy of
Brownbeard and
support Pirates
Anonymous? We've
been assisting pirates
with mental health and
hygiene issues since
1633. Brownbeard is
also available to
schools and libraries
through wholesalers
like Follett, Ingram,
and Baker & Taylor.
