This is the story of Blackbeard the Pirate’s
less well known, not quite as successful cousin,
Short Stubbly Brownbeard. Let us call him
‘Brownbeard’ for short. Or, we could call him
‘Short’ for short. But pirates being what they
are, diminutive names are not their style, so
Brownbeard it shall be.
Brownbeard did not start out to become a
pirate. In fact, as a young boy, Brownbeard
was a very good student. He knew all of his
multiplication tables by heart, and was second
runner up at the County of New Ferry’s Third
Annual Spelling Bee. He misspelled the word
‘computer’ as ‘k-u-m-p-e-w-t-o-o-r.’
Brownbeard spelled the word just the way it
sounded. But since this was many, many, many
years before the invention of computers, and
therefore Brownbeard had never seen a
computer, you really can’t fault him for not
knowing how to spell the word ‘computer.’
Can you?
Now you might wonder, “How could they have
asked anyone to spell the name of a thing that
didn’t yet exist?” That is a very good
question. The answer is that no one knows.
Or, put another way, there is no answer. It is a
mystery. It is just one of the many mysteries
you will hear about when you spend any time at
all in small towns by the sea.
And here is another mystery. Sally Sewbeam,
who would go on to become the first woman,
and only the second red-haired mayor of the
town of New Ferry, stepped out onto the stage
and slowly, carefully spelled out ‘c - o - m - p -
u - t - e - r.’ Quite naturally she won the
spelling bee. When asked many years later
how she knew to spell the name of a thing not
yet invented, she confessed that she just
guessed!
less well known, not quite as successful cousin,
Short Stubbly Brownbeard. Let us call him
‘Brownbeard’ for short. Or, we could call him
‘Short’ for short. But pirates being what they
are, diminutive names are not their style, so
Brownbeard it shall be.
Brownbeard did not start out to become a
pirate. In fact, as a young boy, Brownbeard
was a very good student. He knew all of his
multiplication tables by heart, and was second
runner up at the County of New Ferry’s Third
Annual Spelling Bee. He misspelled the word
‘computer’ as ‘k-u-m-p-e-w-t-o-o-r.’
Brownbeard spelled the word just the way it
sounded. But since this was many, many, many
years before the invention of computers, and
therefore Brownbeard had never seen a
computer, you really can’t fault him for not
knowing how to spell the word ‘computer.’
Can you?
Now you might wonder, “How could they have
asked anyone to spell the name of a thing that
didn’t yet exist?” That is a very good
question. The answer is that no one knows.
Or, put another way, there is no answer. It is a
mystery. It is just one of the many mysteries
you will hear about when you spend any time at
all in small towns by the sea.
And here is another mystery. Sally Sewbeam,
who would go on to become the first woman,
and only the second red-haired mayor of the
town of New Ferry, stepped out onto the stage
and slowly, carefully spelled out ‘c - o - m - p -
u - t - e - r.’ Quite naturally she won the
spelling bee. When asked many years later
how she knew to spell the name of a thing not
yet invented, she confessed that she just
guessed!
Brownbeard’s mother and father were wonderful people. They put money
in the bank every year since he had been born so that if he did well in
school, he would be able to go to college. Brownbeard did so well that he
was awarded a scholarship to New Ferry University. Being very good with
numbers, Brownbeard majored in mathematics. Also, Brownbeard was
captain of the nine-pins team. Today we would call it the bowling team.
Four happy years after entering New Ferry University, Brownbeard
graduated with honors. He was offered an apprenticeship with the top
accounting firm in all of the colonies!
Other firms made offers to Brownbeard as well. Even the King’s Army
offered him a position as a lieutenant. But being an officer in the army,
though it was enticing, meant going overseas to England for a long time.
Brownbeard was at a loss. He just didn’t know what he wanted to do. He
wasn’t sure he wanted to be an accountant.
“Why don’t you go on to graduate school?” suggested Brownbeard’s father,
Long Scraggly Greybeard. Let us call him ‘Greybeard’ for short. Or, we
could call him ‘Long’ for short. But that would seem a bit silly.
“If you don’t get another scholarship, your mom and I still have the money
we saved for your college,” said Greybeard.
“No,” said Brownbeard. “I appreciate that Dad, but I don’t want to sit in a
classroom anymore. On the other hand, I don’t want to sit in an office all
day either.”
Laughing, Brownbeard’s dad gave his son a pat on the back and said, “Son,
that’s the way of the world. You get a job, you get married, you buy a
house, you have children, and that’s life. It’s really not so bad.”
Brownbeard sighed and said, “I just don’t know if that’s what I want.”
Greybeard was getting a bit worried about his son. He said, “Look son,
you’re smart and you’ve done well in school. Lots of companies want you
to come work for them, and if you don’t want to work for them, well . . .
even though your mom and I will worry about you, you can be an officer in
the King’s Army. At least you won’t be a fisherman like your old man.”
“But what if I want to be a fisherman?” protested Brownbeard. “What’s
wrong with that? The sea is so beautiful and I like hard work.”
Greybeard found this conversation exasperating. In a very stern voice he
said, “Now you listen to me son. Your mother and I have worked very hard
to give you the best we could. You have taken the opportunities provided
and made us proud. You are a success. You have the chance to do
something no one in our family has yet to do - make a living at something
other than fishing or farming. And I will not, I will simply not let you throw
away a chance like this. It’s time to grow up and move on with your life!”
The words from his father stung. Brownbeard stuck his hands in his coat
pockets and looked down at the ground. He said not a word.
Feeling bad that he spoke so harsh, Greybeard said, “Son, it’s just that your
mother and I have always dreamed of a better life for you than we have for
ourselves.”
“I know,” said Brownbeard, still looking down at his feet.
“It’s your life son. I won’t tell you what to do,” said Greybeard, putting a
reassuring hand on his son’s shoulder.
“Thanks, Dad,” said Brownbeard, looking up finally.
“If you want to be a fisherman like me, then so be it!” said Greybeard.
“Why! You can come be my first mate. We’ll go a-shrimpin’, and a-fishin’,
and a-lobsterin’, and a-squiddin’, and a . . .”
“No, Dad,” said Brownbeard. “You’re right. I have a chance to do
something no one in our family has done before.”
“Son, perhaps I spoke more for myself and my own dreams. Don’t rush
into a choice. Take some time.”
“It’s okay, Dad,” said Brownbeard. “I’ve already decided.”
It was now Greybeard’s turn to be sad. He felt like he had pushed his son
into a bad decision. But what could he do?
“Son,” said Greybeard softly.
“Yes, Dad?”
“Whatever you decide, you know your mother and I will always love you.”
“Thanks, Dad,” said Brownbeard. “I love you too.”
in the bank every year since he had been born so that if he did well in
school, he would be able to go to college. Brownbeard did so well that he
was awarded a scholarship to New Ferry University. Being very good with
numbers, Brownbeard majored in mathematics. Also, Brownbeard was
captain of the nine-pins team. Today we would call it the bowling team.
Four happy years after entering New Ferry University, Brownbeard
graduated with honors. He was offered an apprenticeship with the top
accounting firm in all of the colonies!
Other firms made offers to Brownbeard as well. Even the King’s Army
offered him a position as a lieutenant. But being an officer in the army,
though it was enticing, meant going overseas to England for a long time.
Brownbeard was at a loss. He just didn’t know what he wanted to do. He
wasn’t sure he wanted to be an accountant.
“Why don’t you go on to graduate school?” suggested Brownbeard’s father,
Long Scraggly Greybeard. Let us call him ‘Greybeard’ for short. Or, we
could call him ‘Long’ for short. But that would seem a bit silly.
“If you don’t get another scholarship, your mom and I still have the money
we saved for your college,” said Greybeard.
“No,” said Brownbeard. “I appreciate that Dad, but I don’t want to sit in a
classroom anymore. On the other hand, I don’t want to sit in an office all
day either.”
Laughing, Brownbeard’s dad gave his son a pat on the back and said, “Son,
that’s the way of the world. You get a job, you get married, you buy a
house, you have children, and that’s life. It’s really not so bad.”
Brownbeard sighed and said, “I just don’t know if that’s what I want.”
Greybeard was getting a bit worried about his son. He said, “Look son,
you’re smart and you’ve done well in school. Lots of companies want you
to come work for them, and if you don’t want to work for them, well . . .
even though your mom and I will worry about you, you can be an officer in
the King’s Army. At least you won’t be a fisherman like your old man.”
“But what if I want to be a fisherman?” protested Brownbeard. “What’s
wrong with that? The sea is so beautiful and I like hard work.”
Greybeard found this conversation exasperating. In a very stern voice he
said, “Now you listen to me son. Your mother and I have worked very hard
to give you the best we could. You have taken the opportunities provided
and made us proud. You are a success. You have the chance to do
something no one in our family has yet to do - make a living at something
other than fishing or farming. And I will not, I will simply not let you throw
away a chance like this. It’s time to grow up and move on with your life!”
The words from his father stung. Brownbeard stuck his hands in his coat
pockets and looked down at the ground. He said not a word.
Feeling bad that he spoke so harsh, Greybeard said, “Son, it’s just that your
mother and I have always dreamed of a better life for you than we have for
ourselves.”
“I know,” said Brownbeard, still looking down at his feet.
“It’s your life son. I won’t tell you what to do,” said Greybeard, putting a
reassuring hand on his son’s shoulder.
“Thanks, Dad,” said Brownbeard, looking up finally.
“If you want to be a fisherman like me, then so be it!” said Greybeard.
“Why! You can come be my first mate. We’ll go a-shrimpin’, and a-fishin’,
and a-lobsterin’, and a-squiddin’, and a . . .”
“No, Dad,” said Brownbeard. “You’re right. I have a chance to do
something no one in our family has done before.”
“Son, perhaps I spoke more for myself and my own dreams. Don’t rush
into a choice. Take some time.”
“It’s okay, Dad,” said Brownbeard. “I’ve already decided.”
It was now Greybeard’s turn to be sad. He felt like he had pushed his son
into a bad decision. But what could he do?
“Son,” said Greybeard softly.
“Yes, Dad?”
“Whatever you decide, you know your mother and I will always love you.”
“Thanks, Dad,” said Brownbeard. “I love you too.”
Buy yer hard copy at . . .
"Brilliantly odd and piratey . . . delightfully
deranged" - www. bilgemunky.com
deranged" - www. bilgemunky.com
* * *
Chapter One - Difficult Decisions
"Hoist the Jolly Roger and prepare to be
entertained . . . a tale of wild imagination" -
Daniel Jolley, Amazon UK #2 Reviewer
entertained . . . a tale of wild imagination" -
Daniel Jolley, Amazon UK #2 Reviewer
"My reading group thought it was ace!" -
Vanessa Williamson, Anerley Library,
London Borough of Bromley
Vanessa Williamson, Anerley Library,
London Borough of Bromley
"A hilariously adventurous journey . . . sure
to captivate immature audiences of all ages" -
Points North Magazine
to captivate immature audiences of all ages" -
Points North Magazine
"Exciting science fiction and pirate
adventure . . . wildly fantastical" -
Andrea Thigpen, Georgia Library Quarterly
adventure . . . wildly fantastical" -
Andrea Thigpen, Georgia Library Quarterly
The
Savannah
Children's
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Festival
Savannah
Children's
Book
Festival
