Hours before their argument, just a few minutes
after the For Sale had left Too Poo Loo and begun
its journey up the Bingabong, Brownbeard spotted
what looked to be a golden mountain far in the
distance. Hazel had explained to him that it was
not really a mountain.
“That is where we are going. That is the where
The Emperor’s palace is. That’s the capital city,”
said Hazel.
The morning after the argument, Brownbeard
saw the mountain resolve into many tall, needle
like slivers of gold. When seen from over a
hundred miles away in Too Poo Loo, all of those
golden spires combined to make an impossibly
tall mountain. Now, Brownbeard observed an
impossible city, with buildings that soared into the
clouds. His heart raced. He wanted to ask Hazel
so many questions. But he was not going to talk to
her. Absolutely not. And that was that.
The tension between he and Hazel was
affecting the morale on board the For Sale. No
one, not even Kumquat, was especially happy
about the situation. She tried to talk to Hazel.
“I thought you didn’t even like him,” said
Hazel.
“Well, I don’t. Or at least I think you could do
better, but it’s your life,” said Kumquat.
This was not making Hazel feel any better.
“But I guess he’s not that bad. You could do
worse. Just apologize,” said Kumquat.
“I already tried. If that’s not good enough for
him, well tough,” said a broken-hearted sand witch.
Kumquat put a tender paw on her mistress.
“Hazel, why don’t we just leave then? Let him
have the ship. We can go back to our home and
everything will be just like it was before.”
“But I’ve waited so long for everything to
come together. And it finally has. And now it’s
about to fall apart,” Hazel cried. “He hates me!
Brownbeard hates me!”
Hazel put her pretty face in her hands and
cried. Kumquat rubbed and purred against her,
trying to make her feel better.
* * *
Meanwhile, elsewhere on the ship, Wilbert and
Schmoor were trying to work on Brownbeard.
“She was just joking, Captain,” said Wilbert.
“That’s the way Hazel is. She’s a jokester. Right
Schmoor?”
Schmoor nodded his head in vigorous
agreement. His sock cap flapped back and forth,
hitting him in the eyes with each nod.
“Good for her,” said Brownbeard hotly. “But I’
m not amused. Her pranks are mean. She’s been
manipulating me. I can’t stand that!”
“But Captain! She apologized for that. Hazel
never apologizes to anyone. You must be very
special to her. You’ve got to believe me,” said
Wilbert in earnest.
“Wilbert—Schmoor—you are a couple of
chums. I appreciate what you’re trying to do. And
I know Hazel is important to you. But we—Hazel
and I—are not friends. I can’t be friends with her.
She made a blithering fool out of me. Or she took
advantage of the fact that I am a blithering fool.
Either way, I have my pride. Now enough! I will
not discuss it anymore!”
* * *
As the For Sale drew closer and closer to the
gates of the capital, an emergency meeting was
held in the mess hall. There, at opposite ends of
the large oak table sat the two adversaries,
Brownbeard and Hazel. Along the sides of the
table sat Kumquat, Wilbert, and Schmoor.
“Okay,” began Wilbert. “We need to decide if
the mission is still on. Or is this the end of it?”
No one said anything for awhile.
“Look,” said Kumquat, “We’re about to enter
the capital. There is no need for us to go one step
further and risk one bit of fur if you two are not
going to co-operate. Miss Hazel—Captain
Brownbeard—you two are the heart of this
mission. If you will not work together, then speak
up now and let us scrap our plans.”
Brownbeard continued to look down at the
table. So did Hazel. Schmoor sighed heavily.
“Oh! For crying out loud!” yelled Wilbert,
“You two are a couple of weenies! Sorry, no
disrespect intended.”
“Yes, I’m afraid I have to agree with Wilbert
on this one,” said Kumquat. “This is quite
ridiculous.”
Finally, Brownbeard looked up and said, “I
have come this far already. I am willing to finish
what we came to do.”
“Very well,” said Wilbert. “And you Hazel?”
Hazel pursed her lips and slowly looked up.
Her emerald eyes flashed and fixed on
Brownbeard, who returned her gaze measure for
measure.
“I have come this far as well. Farther even.
And I am committed to finishing what we came to
do.”
“All right then,” said Kumquat. “Now, we must
agree to work together as if nothing at all has
happened, or else our mission is sure to fail.”
“Yes,” agreed Wilbert. “As Captain
Brownbeard has stated ad nauseam, teamwork is
essential for success. In order for a team to work,
we must be united. We must get along. All of us.”
Again, there was a long silence. Then Hazel
spoke up.
“I am a professional. I have no problem
working cordially and effectively with Captain
Brownbeard.”
Then, Brownbeard answered, “I too am a
professional. Of course I will work with Sand
Witch Hazel in a courteous and harmonious
manner.”
Kumquat, Wilbert and Schmoor looked at the
two walking wounded, wearing their hearts on
their sleeves. Then, they looked at one another
and shrugged.
“All right then,” said Kumquat. “The matter is
closed. The mission is on. Phase Two of Grand
Sa’Laam is about to commence. Good luck to us.”
Wilbert let out a low whistle. “Yes, good luck
to us.”
Schmoor smiled nervously.
“Then let’s get to work,” said Captain
Brownbeard.
“Yes, let’s,” said Hazel.
With that, the crew of the For Sale prepared to
enter within the golden walls of the capital of the
wealthiest, most powerful civilization in all of the
Milky Way.
* * *
Hundreds of ships, large and small, formed a
slow moving line as they waited to present their
papers to enter the capital city’s West Bingabong
Gate. High above, airships of all shapes, sizes and
colors formed a line as well, waiting to enter
through one of the city’s many sky gates. After
nearly two hours, an agent of the Office of the
Gatekeeper of the capital city boarded the For
Sale.
A rather large figure, this beast was covered in
reddish-brown fur and had three green eyes. He
did not wear shoes, revealing six-toed feet with
long, sharp claws for nails. Brownbeard
swallowed hard. This was an impressive looking
creature. Hazel presented him with a gift of home-
baked chocolate chip and Vidalia onion cookies.
Then, the agent accepted an invitation to sit down
for tea.
This was standard procedure for entry into the
capital city. After wishing them an enjoyable visit,
the agent signed off on the paperwork and went on
to have tea and cookies on the next ship. Then, the
huge gates of the capital city opened up for a
group of ships including the For Sale. Together
the water craft drifted into the city, crossing into
the cold shadows of the golden towers.
after the For Sale had left Too Poo Loo and begun
its journey up the Bingabong, Brownbeard spotted
what looked to be a golden mountain far in the
distance. Hazel had explained to him that it was
not really a mountain.
“That is where we are going. That is the where
The Emperor’s palace is. That’s the capital city,”
said Hazel.
The morning after the argument, Brownbeard
saw the mountain resolve into many tall, needle
like slivers of gold. When seen from over a
hundred miles away in Too Poo Loo, all of those
golden spires combined to make an impossibly
tall mountain. Now, Brownbeard observed an
impossible city, with buildings that soared into the
clouds. His heart raced. He wanted to ask Hazel
so many questions. But he was not going to talk to
her. Absolutely not. And that was that.
The tension between he and Hazel was
affecting the morale on board the For Sale. No
one, not even Kumquat, was especially happy
about the situation. She tried to talk to Hazel.
“I thought you didn’t even like him,” said
Hazel.
“Well, I don’t. Or at least I think you could do
better, but it’s your life,” said Kumquat.
This was not making Hazel feel any better.
“But I guess he’s not that bad. You could do
worse. Just apologize,” said Kumquat.
“I already tried. If that’s not good enough for
him, well tough,” said a broken-hearted sand witch.
Kumquat put a tender paw on her mistress.
“Hazel, why don’t we just leave then? Let him
have the ship. We can go back to our home and
everything will be just like it was before.”
“But I’ve waited so long for everything to
come together. And it finally has. And now it’s
about to fall apart,” Hazel cried. “He hates me!
Brownbeard hates me!”
Hazel put her pretty face in her hands and
cried. Kumquat rubbed and purred against her,
trying to make her feel better.
* * *
Meanwhile, elsewhere on the ship, Wilbert and
Schmoor were trying to work on Brownbeard.
“She was just joking, Captain,” said Wilbert.
“That’s the way Hazel is. She’s a jokester. Right
Schmoor?”
Schmoor nodded his head in vigorous
agreement. His sock cap flapped back and forth,
hitting him in the eyes with each nod.
“Good for her,” said Brownbeard hotly. “But I’
m not amused. Her pranks are mean. She’s been
manipulating me. I can’t stand that!”
“But Captain! She apologized for that. Hazel
never apologizes to anyone. You must be very
special to her. You’ve got to believe me,” said
Wilbert in earnest.
“Wilbert—Schmoor—you are a couple of
chums. I appreciate what you’re trying to do. And
I know Hazel is important to you. But we—Hazel
and I—are not friends. I can’t be friends with her.
She made a blithering fool out of me. Or she took
advantage of the fact that I am a blithering fool.
Either way, I have my pride. Now enough! I will
not discuss it anymore!”
* * *
As the For Sale drew closer and closer to the
gates of the capital, an emergency meeting was
held in the mess hall. There, at opposite ends of
the large oak table sat the two adversaries,
Brownbeard and Hazel. Along the sides of the
table sat Kumquat, Wilbert, and Schmoor.
“Okay,” began Wilbert. “We need to decide if
the mission is still on. Or is this the end of it?”
No one said anything for awhile.
“Look,” said Kumquat, “We’re about to enter
the capital. There is no need for us to go one step
further and risk one bit of fur if you two are not
going to co-operate. Miss Hazel—Captain
Brownbeard—you two are the heart of this
mission. If you will not work together, then speak
up now and let us scrap our plans.”
Brownbeard continued to look down at the
table. So did Hazel. Schmoor sighed heavily.
“Oh! For crying out loud!” yelled Wilbert,
“You two are a couple of weenies! Sorry, no
disrespect intended.”
“Yes, I’m afraid I have to agree with Wilbert
on this one,” said Kumquat. “This is quite
ridiculous.”
Finally, Brownbeard looked up and said, “I
have come this far already. I am willing to finish
what we came to do.”
“Very well,” said Wilbert. “And you Hazel?”
Hazel pursed her lips and slowly looked up.
Her emerald eyes flashed and fixed on
Brownbeard, who returned her gaze measure for
measure.
“I have come this far as well. Farther even.
And I am committed to finishing what we came to
do.”
“All right then,” said Kumquat. “Now, we must
agree to work together as if nothing at all has
happened, or else our mission is sure to fail.”
“Yes,” agreed Wilbert. “As Captain
Brownbeard has stated ad nauseam, teamwork is
essential for success. In order for a team to work,
we must be united. We must get along. All of us.”
Again, there was a long silence. Then Hazel
spoke up.
“I am a professional. I have no problem
working cordially and effectively with Captain
Brownbeard.”
Then, Brownbeard answered, “I too am a
professional. Of course I will work with Sand
Witch Hazel in a courteous and harmonious
manner.”
Kumquat, Wilbert and Schmoor looked at the
two walking wounded, wearing their hearts on
their sleeves. Then, they looked at one another
and shrugged.
“All right then,” said Kumquat. “The matter is
closed. The mission is on. Phase Two of Grand
Sa’Laam is about to commence. Good luck to us.”
Wilbert let out a low whistle. “Yes, good luck
to us.”
Schmoor smiled nervously.
“Then let’s get to work,” said Captain
Brownbeard.
“Yes, let’s,” said Hazel.
With that, the crew of the For Sale prepared to
enter within the golden walls of the capital of the
wealthiest, most powerful civilization in all of the
Milky Way.
* * *
Hundreds of ships, large and small, formed a
slow moving line as they waited to present their
papers to enter the capital city’s West Bingabong
Gate. High above, airships of all shapes, sizes and
colors formed a line as well, waiting to enter
through one of the city’s many sky gates. After
nearly two hours, an agent of the Office of the
Gatekeeper of the capital city boarded the For
Sale.
A rather large figure, this beast was covered in
reddish-brown fur and had three green eyes. He
did not wear shoes, revealing six-toed feet with
long, sharp claws for nails. Brownbeard
swallowed hard. This was an impressive looking
creature. Hazel presented him with a gift of home-
baked chocolate chip and Vidalia onion cookies.
Then, the agent accepted an invitation to sit down
for tea.
This was standard procedure for entry into the
capital city. After wishing them an enjoyable visit,
the agent signed off on the paperwork and went on
to have tea and cookies on the next ship. Then, the
huge gates of the capital city opened up for a
group of ships including the For Sale. Together
the water craft drifted into the city, crossing into
the cold shadows of the golden towers.
The Adventures of Short Stubbly Brownbeard
Alan J. Levine
* * *
Chapter Twenty-Five
Buy yer hard copy
at . . .
at . . .
Want to support
children's literature?
That's great! But
instead, why don't you
go to the followin'
links to buy yer own
miserable copy of
Brownbeard and
support Pirates
Anonymous? We've
been assisting pirates
with mental health and
hygiene issues since
1633. Brownbeard is
also available to
schools and libraries
through wholesalers
like Follett, Ingram,
and Baker & Taylor.
children's literature?
That's great! But
instead, why don't you
go to the followin'
links to buy yer own
miserable copy of
Brownbeard and
support Pirates
Anonymous? We've
been assisting pirates
with mental health and
hygiene issues since
1633. Brownbeard is
also available to
schools and libraries
through wholesalers
like Follett, Ingram,
and Baker & Taylor.